Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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