I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
