Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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