Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
