I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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