I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
