New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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