i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
