When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
