Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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