shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
