Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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