u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize