i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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