Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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