i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
