I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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