Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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