Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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