I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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