mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
