I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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