Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
