Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
