i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
