i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
