She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
