My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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