you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
