I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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