Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
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Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
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You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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