my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
