I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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