last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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