Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
