Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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