Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
