The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
