the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
