TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
