She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
