You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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