I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
