How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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