her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
