This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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