i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
