remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
