His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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