I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
