I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
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