I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
