I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
