i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
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I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.