she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?