The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.