Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.