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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  I am a bulletproof tiger!

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  if only i could text you this smell

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (810): View more from Michigan

  I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.

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• (619): View more from California

  Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (817): View more from Texas

  He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you

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• (716): View more from New York

  I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.

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• (212): View more from New York

  I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was

  (347): View more from New York

  U know ur prob on camera right?

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