I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
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We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.