Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  Why? Who won?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  we don't know. we ran out of oranges.

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  (440): I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges. (1-440): Why? Who won? (440): we don't know. we ran out of oranges. http://tfl.nu/wlmn
  Replies (1) Good night (1579) Bad night (556)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.

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  (225): i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking. http://tfl.nu/sgts
  Replies (16) Good night (1800) Bad night (631)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm glad girls dont get visible erections

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  But, it would have made life so much easier...

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  (857): I'm glad girls dont get visible erections (617 ): But, it would have made life so much easier... http://tfl.nu/zuky
  Replies (27) Good night (3473) Bad night (613)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.

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  (847): I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever. http://tfl.nu/o6xg
  Replies (31) Good night (631) Bad night (5290)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants

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  (403): and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants http://tfl.nu/tpip
  Replies (32) Good night (4332) Bad night (600)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.

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  (678): I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI. http://tfl.nu/868g
  Replies (27) Good night (7359) Bad night (1394)
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  (714): View more from California

  Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.

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  (714): Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor. http://tfl.nu/w05t
  Replies (10) Good night (662) Bad night (4934)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.

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  (631): Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher. http://tfl.nu/6w08
  Replies (9) Good night (1078) Bad night (3783)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face

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  (305): its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face http://tfl.nu/dxi4
  Replies (23) Good night (3701) Bad night (1723)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.

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  (401): I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails. http://tfl.nu/8vyo
  Replies (10) Good night (3868) Bad night (1465)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.

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  (215): so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15. http://tfl.nu/ngxx
  Replies (16) Good night (715) Bad night (2228)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.

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  (270): you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you. http://tfl.nu/d78n
  Replies (8) Good night (2502) Bad night (786)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity

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  (727): And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity http://tfl.nu/9e9v
  Replies (9) Good night (2305) Bad night (772)
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  (661): View more from California

  i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance

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  (661): i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance http://tfl.nu/ezzs
  Replies (4) Good night (800) Bad night (483)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?

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  (210): I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you? http://tfl.nu/lbmm
  Replies (5) Good night (1283) Bad night (354)

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