Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
