if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
