Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
