It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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