How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
